If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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