if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
