You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
