so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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