If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
