if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
