There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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