every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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