I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
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Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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