She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
