Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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