I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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