We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
