i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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