CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
