Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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