I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
