i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
