Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
