I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
