Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
