Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
