Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
