lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
