We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
