Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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