Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
