Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't turn off my feet"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
