marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
