I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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