She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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