escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
