That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
