Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
wow bdsm is so cute
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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