But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
