Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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