She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My vagina just clenched in fear
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
