I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
