So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
