I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
