Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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