you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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