Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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