Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
