I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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