Ketchup is God's man juice
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We are all done wearing pants today
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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