rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
