You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
