So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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