It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
