I wish I could teleport
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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