I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
