the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
