MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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