genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
