NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
